The Emotional Side of Divorce

There is no question that going through the break-up of a marriage causes a great deal of stress and emotional turmoil. This is understandable since going through a divorce is an extremely difficult and painful experience for BOTH parties-even for the one who brought up getting the divorce in the first place! At best you feel extreme disappointment that your marriage didn't work out. At worst you may feel hurt, betrayed, frightened, and sometimes, very, very, angry.

But I encourage you to remember that, as hard as it might be to believe right now , eventually, you WIILL get over it! Ultimately, you will no doubt come to the realization that what you thought was one of the worst things that ever happened to you actually turned out to be for the best. This might take weeks, months, or even years to realize, but I have no doubt that sooner or later, it will happen. (If you have children, please read the next article.)

Divorce and Your Children

Please, please, please , keep in mind that, although, as adults, our wounds eventually DO heal, in contrast, the wounds of a child last a lifetime . That is why is it so extremely important that you refrain from discussing your divorce in front of your children. Especially, do NOT "bad-mouth" the other parent when your children can overhear you! It is extremely hard for children to listen to you making negative comments about their other parent. Although you might have very harsh feelings toward your spouse, and justifiably so, your children desperately want and need to love BOTH of you.

So, do not ask your children to take sides! -- either directly or indirectly. This is a very difficult time for them too. It is essential that they know that both of their parents love them and that they will always be there for them, even if they no longer live in the same house together anymore. If you need to vent your feelings about your spouse or ex-spouse, do it while your children are at school or outside where they can't hear you. Make sure they know that even though "mom and dad" aren't getting along right now, it has nothing to do with them and that you both love them just the same as before.

Ultimately, when your children become young adults, you want them to be able to say, "Yes, my parents got divorced when I was a kid, but they were very cool about it." That would be one of the best gifts you could ever give them.